\documentclass[12pt,a4paper]{letter}
\begin{document}
\signature{Wellington}
\address{Central Spain\\August 1812}
\date{}
\begin{letter}{Foreign Office\\London}
\opening{Gentlemen}
Whilst marching from Portugal to a position which commands
the approach to Madrid and the French forces, 
my officers have been diligently complying with your requests
which have been sent by H.M. ship from London to Lisbon 
and thence by dispatch to our headquarters.

We have enumerated our saddles, bridles, 
tents and tent poles, and all manner of sundry items 
for which His Majesty's Government holds me accountable. 
I have dispatched
reports on the character, wit, and spleen of every officer. 
Each item and every farthing has been accounted for, 
with two regrettable exceptions for which I beg your indulgence.

Unfortunately the sum of one shilling and ninepence 
remains unaccounted for in one infantry battalion's 
petty cash and there has been a hideous confusion 
as to the number of
jars of raspberry jam issued to one cavalry regiment 
during a sandstorm in western Spain. This reprehensible 
carelessness may be related to the pressure of circumstance, since
we are at war with France, a fact which may come 
as a bit of a surprise to you gentlemen in Whitehall.

This brings me to my present purpose, which is to 
request elucidation of my instructions from 
His Majesty's Government so that I may better 
understand why I am dragging an
army over these barren plains. I construe that 
perforce it must be one of two alternative duties, 
as given below. I shall pursue either one with the 
best of my ability, but I cannot
do both:

1. To train an army of uniformed British clerks 
in Spain for the benefit of the accountants and 
copy-boys in London or perchance.

2. To see to it that the forces of Napoleon 
are driven out of Spain.

\closing{Your most obedient servant,}
\end{letter}
\end{document}
